be HAPPY, NEW YEAR or not

Hi,

I am here, as always! It’s different, though, as more than half the company is not expecting this email, and I need to disappoint them too. That’s a lot of pressure on me. #performance-anxiety.

Straight up – “Don’t ask silly questions”. In the next few minutes, everything will be clear. Patience is a virtue, really. You need a “Bottom Up” approach. “Are you laughing thinking about last night’s ‘Bottoms Up’?” – I know, I know. Still in a hangover? Get a tender coconut, maybe. I’ll wait for you to be sober. Or do you need something stronger – that rhymes with ‘clap’? 

Go to my first email below and read it slowly. Scroll down da! Hopefully, the tender coconut is taking effect. If you are already in this sentence, then all I can say is – “Which part of ‘Scroll down’ did you not understand”? I am waiting…

Done? Cool. Did you read my second email too? Nice! I like you already. “No” – I hear. Ok, I will wait… I am still waiting…

Done? Cool. Did you understand the “Bottom Up” approach? #who-is-laughing-now

Let’s get down to emotion. 2022 was magical. Phew, what a year it was. Who can forget Jaipur? It’s when we all met for the first time. People are getting taller and smarter with every generation. Me too, ok. Remember, I am still in my early twenties. We had the best 5 days. Meetings and meals with everyone together were a fairy tale. A colleague was getting married and we were extremely happy. Misery loves company, after all. I have attached “Jaipur Team Pic”. Have a look. Don’t you feel nostalgic? I do. Same pinch to you too. Hats off to us for making it memorable. Awesome, ya.

Dream of everyone was – where next, when again, will the king of good times return? Girl oh girl, did it arrive and in style. (Boy oh boy – sounds better as an exclamation, no?). We had our Bangalore office inauguration function and our families met each other. It was special. Of course, we went to a great resort and had a lovely time. Thanks for asking. Yes, you can now see “Bangalore Team Pic”. But I know you have already opened it. Cheeky. Look at how big we are. What a growth in just one year!

Ready for a detail on business growth? Like you have a choice. #so-long-free-will. How many users did we have at the start of last year? No cheating and scrolling down again. Cannot remember? It was 8500. Still not sober, hmmm! And how many users do we have now? 190000 users, a 22X increase. Woot! The ‘Y’s are paramount from now on and we should take it easy on some of the ‘V’s. We have to be cautious when we release new features as our user base is substantially large and one social media outcry can significantly hurt all the hard work that we have done. I sincerely believe we can course-correct ourselves and develop the best #invest-to-spend app in the world. “You” can make it happen. “You” should make it happen. “You” will make it happen.

And how can “You” achieve this?

be HAPPY, NEW YEAR or not!

PS: I am surprised you are here.
PPS: I really am. Get off my back, will you?
PPPS: Be sober. There’s a lot of work to be done!
PPPPS: No one is looking at “U”. Hopefully soon.

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